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January 2, 2017
I'm a 26 year old with cancer. I know you know this, but it is important that this is heard more than once. You see it didn't hit me till over a month past my diagnosis. In other words, just now. I am a 26 year old mother with cancer. The tumor has been removed and I see the Oncologist February 1st.
Recovery has not been easy from surgery and I don't think that I even talked to you guys in depth about it. I was told going into my hospital stay that it would be a 4-5 day stay. Once I actually completed the surgery I was told there was no way in hell I was getting out that early and I would for sure be there at least a week. What's two more days right? Two more days is Christmas Eve, and Christmas, two more days is suffering through the chest tube hell. Two more days is two days. This is the point in my recovery that the anger kicked in. I was told I'd be home for Christmas, but had a feeling in my gut that I was wrong. There it is, that gut feeling again. The gut feeling that is usually right. I'm a 26 year old mother of two with cancer.
I made it through the holidays in the hospital, I watched my kids open their first presents on hangouts before my internet connection cut out. On Monday I had a Bronchoscopy where they were checking to see if they found a air bubble in my lung, then they were going to remove the chest tube while I was under and I was possibly going home Monday night. I woke up with a chest tube still in place. I knew I was not going home. Something about the Doctor caring or something like that. :) They saw 1 air bubble, but they didn't want my chest to fill with air on the way home and me die. Okay I'm thankful they care and are looking out for my safety, but damn was I ready to go home.
I'm a 26 year old college graduate and I have cancer. I came home on Tuesday after what felt like the longest discharge and car ride possible. Once I got home I noticed that my right leg kept falling asleep. A Dopler test was done Saturday, and an enlarged lymph node was found in my groin. They are leaning towards believing it's cancerous but won't do anything right now because I can't go through any further treatments until I recover further. Are you keeping track? I had a Carcinoid tumor removed along with my bottom left lobe in my lung, a liver that lit up the PET Scan, and an enlarged lymph node in my groin.
I am a 26 year old who ate whole foods, exercised frequently, never smoked, never did drugs, never even had the desire to. Over came the death of my mother at 13. Went through bed rest twice with my kids, had a hysterectomy last year an I have Cancer! I dealt with everything life threw at me. I just don't know how to deal with this. Everyone has their positive comments towards me, the love, the prayers, the energy and as I am thankful for all of it. SOMETIMES. THIS. SUCKS!
In preparation for meeting the Oncologist I have been warned that I most likely with go threw one round of chemotherapy at least! You no what is silly? I am most afraid of losing my hair. It's not the physical losing of the hair, it is the fact that strangers will know. Random people will know. It will now not be left to me to tell them. I'm thinking I need to get an awesome henna design tattooed on my bald head at some point, I mean how many times in your life are you bald without it being correlated to a mid life crises?
Finally, I may have cancer, but it will just be another step in my life. Hey, I may not be able to climb a physical mountain anymore, but I am getting really great at climbing emotional ones. I plan to summit Mount Cancer in 2017, plant my flag, and climb down!
Ok I made a deal, 10 positives:
- Leggings - I wasn't kidding I really love leggings!
- My caring 4 year old
- Adorable smiles from Ayla, and her new annunciation of the word: "Yes."
- Toast to keep down the nausea, thanks for the suggestion Grandma :)
- Computers to vent on.
- Love and support from family and friends through everything.
- All of the people who drove down and visited, really helped Waylon and I deal emotionally through the difficult hospital stay.
- Having the surgery over the holiday, which gave me the room to have a private room at the hospital, which meant Waylon could stay with me.
- Excedrin and Doctors who were able to listen to me to understand that is all that I needed.
- The removal of Chest Tubes!! Have I mentioned that it was horrible to have in?