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May 5, 2017

Dear Doctor Joining My Team,

You don't know me. You don't know what I have fought through to get to this point. You have read the charts and you compare me to other patients you may have seen today. I am NOT like others. I don't just sit on the side line in my case, and want to be treated just as much as a partner as a patient. If it is knowledge I need, recommend a book. I want to know everything. I want you to be blunt and honest with me at a times, even if it gets difficult.

I am a fighter, and since my diagnosis I have learned a lot about myself. First and foremost my 2 small children, Wyatt and Ayla, will pull me through anything. Cancer is not my future, but it is my current and I am surviving. I don't want to be looked down upon because I'm young. I want to be trusted for my words.

These past few months have been hell. The pain isn't letting up, and more problems are arriving. There is something else wrong and I need your help in figuring it out because no is not an answer. I need to get better. I will get better!

I wrote this letter to Dr Dillon in Iowa City. I logged on to Blogger today to write about my frustrations, but reading through that letter reminded me of all I have accomplished so far. I am a fighter and I have learned this more and more about myself. However, I also have a ton of anger. I HATE when I am having good weeks, and a single smoker brings me down. I am a 27 year old mother of 2, and I will be a active part of their everyday, but I need to breathe to do this.

I won't stop fighting, I won't stop advocating to stores the importance of making areas safe for me to enter. I know I am not the only one who feels this way when coming in contact with smoke, but I know I am the most vocal, and for this I am NOT sorry. Example of the most recent fight:

I was picking up my prescription at the pharmacy (Insurance only covers Kroger and Walmart). There is only one drive thru pharmacy in the Peoria area, and due to my immune system I don't go into busy places if possible. I rolled down my window to pick up the medication when an employee sitting in the designated smokers area lit up. This isn't the first time this has happened, and I needed a breathing treatment immediately. I won't stay quiet. I have contacted the store multiple times, and they have done nothing, so I contacted corporate. This is ridiculous. Why a smokers bench was placed next to the pharmacy is beyond me. JUST MOVE THE BENCH!!

I know you are probably sick of me ranting about cigarettes, I get it. I am sick of my recovery getting set back due to a cigarette or weed (worst then cigarettes). All I want to do is enjoy the nice weather, go to parks with my kids, and be able to drive with my windows down and music up. All I want to do is get better.

I am surviving with Cancer, is breathing really so much to ask?

5 positives:

  1. Nebulizer
  2. Leggings
  3. PT
  4. Great support system
  5. Waylon - he stays strong and helps me get through these breathing attacks.